TEVET 2, 5770 SHABBAT
Today is the last day of Hanukkah....Hanukkah Day. It is also Shabbat and has been a blessing even though things have seemed to go terribly wrong.
There is nothing in my life that I won't talk about...there is nothing that is hidden. Oh I may have things I would rather not talk about but when confronted I would never say such and such didn't happen or even try and make out like I something I was not.
There was a time when I had to hide things because of the retributution I would receive. When there wasn't enough money to go around I would, as the saying goes..."rob Peter to pay Paul"... and would be terrified my husband would find out. I remember he had money set back for his race car...he was always spending money on his car....and we needed to pay bills and needed food too and I spent some of his money. I was so scared but after praying I told him what I had done because I knew that if I didn't and he found out it would be a double mark against me. Oh the punishment was pretty bad and not just on me..he also punised the kids but we survived....we always survived.
This act of deception....why are we always doing it? I say to all who will listen...we live in glass houses and He sees all that we do and He hears all we say....we can hide nothing from Him. And in the same sense...these glass houses are also a testimony of who we are. If we are truly the Believers that we proclaim to be then why are we worried about living in glass houses? Why is there so much deception?
Why? Because we are not who we say we are. We say things we don't mean and we try to fool those around us just so we can get praise from them or maybe even get help that we probably do not need. We have squandered our money and supplies so then we have to call out to others because we don't have enough now.
I am tired of it.
I speak out about the truth of our Elohim YHWH because it is so heavy upon my heart. I want all to know Him as He should be known. Not the false watered down god of the church...with all of its pagan days and ways....all its false doctrines and teachings.
No, I proclaim Him to be Who He is... THE GREAT I AM!
I have been dealing with a situation within my family for quite sometime. I don't even have to give a name. We have pampered her and coddled her. She has threatened to take her children from us so we can never see them again. She has threatened to kill them. And everytime we have ran and rescued her. We have given her money and the things she and her children needed. I even looked the other way as she acted out in a way that broke my heart. I have kept lies within me, lies that still surround us and it is as though we have to walk so carefully on broken glass lest these lies be found out. It puts a great strain on relationships. It has strained the whole family relationship.
I am seeing more clearly now that when we allow our Elohim...our Father.....to do His will...we sometimes don't even realize what He is doing. I got my first glympse of this when a friend told me how she has been separated from her children because of her faith. Even with how hard it is, her faith has never waivered because she knew He had brought about the separation.
I am saying this now, even if this is what is happening to me...my faith will not waiver. I had a childhood friend break away from being a FB friend this week because of the truth about Christ mass. I had seen this coming and had prayed about breakking from friendship with her...but her breaking it off was for the best. So now, I am at this place with a child of mine. She already lives away from us and tho I had looked at this as her moving because of spite...I see now it was His plan.
I will be honest and say she hasn't fooled me one bit, I knew she was straddling the fence..we all knew it..but we let it go. But today...well she would not be admit to what she was doing until it bacame a heated discussion and I do admit I said something I shouldn't have...I asked..."Are you nuts?" And with that she became very irate and that was that.
So I say HINENI! HERE I AM! Whatever happens....happens. YHWH, You have brought so much joy into my life and have given me friends all over the world who believe as I do. We walk in Your truth and we don't need to coddle those who want to pretend. We love then and pray for them but must we go along with their lies and trying to hide what they are doing or have already done? NO! I can't anymore. It makes me wweary!
I am not perfect...I do not claim to be...I allowed something to happen in my house that still haunts me...I allowed my son and his girfriend to stay together in his bedroom! I said...she has no where to go and I did make excuses but it allowed that sin to enter in here and I want that spirit it brought with it out of here!
HINENI! HERE I AM! I SAY TO YOU WHATEVER! WHATEVER! I AM YOURS! THOUGH EVERYTHING BE TAKEN FROM ME..I AM YOURS! IF ALL MY FAMILY WALKS AWAY FROM ME....I AM YOURS!
Hanukkah means dedication....it is a time to rededicate ourselves to Him wholy. It is a time to say I will separate the holy from the unholy and be set apart for Him!
And with this last light of Hanukkah we have entered into the month of Tevet. Tevet is considered a dark month and I feel the darkness around me. But His light has overcome the darkness. Even when it is not completely dark we have fears because we fear the shadows...but I say to you...do not fear any darkness and do not fear the shadows because a shadow simply means there is a light shining somewhere nearby.
And what do I hear coming from the LIGHT?
"HINENI'! "HERE I AM"......HE IS SAYING TO US!